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Self-Acceptance and Self-Esteem 101
By Dr Beth
Egan O’Keefe |
Are there really people out there who give themselves
the kind of acceptance that we all want to get from
others? Really? You’re saying, “I’m not one of them. I
hear this voice inside telling me that I’m stupid, or
that I’m fat, or that I did that wrong”. Well, believe
it or not, you’re not unique - many, many people have
that critical voice.
What can I do to accept myself more - to like myself
more. Well, first - and this is a toughie - you need to
give yourself permission to fight the inner voice. As
long as you accept that the voice is correct, you won’t
fight it. How do I give myself permission to fight the
critical voice? For some of us, it’s just a recognition
that there is a critical voice and that it’s
self-destructive. For others, it may require
psychotherapy.
Once we’ve decided to fight the voice - what do we do?
Well, we start with “Self Talk”. We, literally, talk to
ourselves. “Hey, wait a minute,” you say. “First voices,
then talking to ourselves? Do you think we’re crazy?”
No, this isn’t crazy stuff - many, many people hear the
critical voices, and they’re not crazy.
I recommend talking to yourself in a mirror - say, when
you’re brushing your teeth. A simple Self Talk statement
is “I’m OK”, or “I’m a nice person”, or “I like myself”.
It is amazing how hard it is to say simple statements
like “I’m a nice person”. The voices rebel. You think
it’s silly. But, the harder it is for you, the more you
need to do it. Daily. So start, already.
People with poor self-esteem have difficulty accepting
compliments. Someone says, “You’re a nice person and
people like you”. They say, either out loud or to
themselves, “You don’t really know me. My family doesn’t
think I’m nice”. We need to practice accepting
compliments with a simple “Thank you”, both inside our
heads and outside.
Giving genuine compliments can help our self-esteem. The
other person feels better and we feel good that we’ve
complimented them. But, the compliment needs to be real,
not phony. A real compliment would be, “Gee, I love that
color on you,” not “You are the best dresser in the
company”.
Try to stop comparing yourself to others. That just
gives the critic ammunition against you. You are you,
with your unique personality and skills. And, you’re OK.
Stop worrying about whether you’re as good as someone
else or whether you do something as well as someone
else. Keep telling yourself, “I’m OK”.
This is just an introduction to this topic. Future
articles will focus on it more.
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Information contained in this site or linked sites is
intended to be educational in nature and a tool for
further exploration. It is not meant to be a
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